Saturday, October 25, 2008

Boo at the Zoo

On Saturday night the three of us went to Boo at the Zoo! Addison loved putting on her costume! She even liked the antennas and if they fell off, she would say, "I want my tennas!" I had to put extra clothes on her under her costume b/c it was suppose to be COLD!

I took some picts b/f we left the house...

Showing off her wings!

Addison really has this "cheese" thing down!

Getting ready for a "flight"

The zoo was really decorated. There were these large lights throughout the whole zoo.

This ghost was by the line for the train. We bought tickets to ride the train. Then we were told one of the trains had broken down on the track and it would be a little while b/f the trains were able to go again. We decided to walk around and got some lemonade! Addison had to potty, and when we got out of the bathroom, we noticed the train was loading again. We went right in, but barely missed getting on the train. We would have to wait until the next train. The man taking up tickets had his face painted. Addison said she was "scared of man". I was holding her and thought she was OK, but then she started saying she needed to poo poo. I said if we go poo poo we can't ride the train. This has become a game with her. If she is tired of waiting or doing something, she uses the poo poo excuse. She had already gone so I was pretty sure she really didn't need to go. She insisted! So we went. I got her on the potty, and she said again "I scared of man!" I felt sooo bad. She didn't go poop and we decided not to get back in the looong line. Instead we rode the carousal. She loved riding the "horses." Overall, it was fun! Next time we will be a little more prepared aka bring more cash!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

It's good to be home!

We are back home and glad to be here! This has been a crazy week! In the past 5 nights I have spent the night in 5 different places: my mom's, the hospital, home, my Granny's house, Manley and Carolyn's in MS. I am ready for my bed tonight. I have laundry piled up on the couch, and bags to unpack. Addison made the trip to Mississippi with us and did very well. Although this was a sad time for me, I have found comfort in the naive, sweet, funny comments and moments shared with Addison these past few days. I decided to include some...

Addison- "I want to go to Mississippi's house, too!"
"Mommy pretty, and daddy pretty!"
"Mam Maw is sleeping. Shh! Don't wake her up!"
"I scared of Daddy. He snoring"
"Susan do that!"
Me- "Thank you God for..." Addison-"Mommy and Daddy"
"Where's Kane? Where's Kane? Where's Kane?" (Addison adores her cousin!)
"Uncle Buddy silly!"
"That a man." Me-"no that is a lady" OOOPS!
Grant- "That is Addison's??!!" "That came from her?!"(sorry it was so funny-Grant hasn't experienced much Addison poop in the potty!)
And Sunday before Addison and I left Murfreesboro to come home, I let her go in and see Mam Maw. I prayed she wouldn't be scared because Mam Maw had an oxygen mask and bag on. Addison has been a little scared of Mam Maw in the past when she had oxygen on, but this day she was very comfortable. She kissed Mam Maw's hand and told her she loved her. Mam Maw was able to see her and tell her she loved her, too for the very last time.

It's funny how I have found strength through my child!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Happy Birthday!

This has been one of the toughest weekends of my life. On Friday night, I called to check on my mother. She was walking into the nursing home to see my Mam Maw. She told me Mam Maw was having trouble breathing and she would call me back. They took her on to the hospital and mom was very concerned. On Saturday, I had a baby shower and Addison had a b-day party. We decided to skip them both (I knew Holly and Bethany would understand) and head to Murfreesboro. I spent some time at the hospital and Addison went to my sister's house. I couldn't decide what to do on Sunday. I just didn't want to tell Mam Maw bye. I knew it could be the last time. It was determined she had pneumonia, small blood clots in her lungs, and then she had a pretty massive heart attack. I decided to head back home and thought Addison and I would come back tonight or tomorrow. Anna called me around 8:00 last night and things weren't looking good. My cousin Ben and I went back down to Murfreesboro. I spent the night in a 2 bed hospital room with my mother across the hall from the ICU. That is the advantage of a small town hospital. The nurses were WONDERFUL, of course we knew most of them. They took excellent care of Mam Maw. About 2:00am today, I went to tell Mam Maw goodnight. It was now her birthday. The nurses were giving her a bath. I waited and then watched Mam Maw drink some diet coke. She loved her some diet coke! I said, "Mam Maw, I love you!" She replied, "I love you, too, baby!" Wow! I walked out and told Mom. She went in there and told her goodnight, but she didn't stir. As mom and I held hands and walked to our "room", mom told me that could be the last thing she said.

Well, today on her birthday, Mam Maw went to be with the Lord. What a perfect day for a mighty celebration! She was surrounded by her family who loves her very much, and several friends.

Please pray for my family as we experience this loss. It was time. It is OK, but it still hurts. Here are some things I like to remember...

  • Mam Maw lived a block from me growing up. We use to walk to Jr. Mart and I would get a green apple slush.
  • I use to stay with Mam Maw on New Year' Eve and celebrate with her.
  • She made trophies from double mint gum wrappers.
  • She could cook! chicken-n-dressing, pork roast, martha washington balls, divinity candy, macaroni and cheese.
  • She loved her family and laughed and talked about her favorite grandchild-whichever one was standing there with her!:)
  • She was so proud of her children
  • She loved to get her hair done.
  • She loved her husband who passed from this earth 28 years ago.
  • She loved to read-especially Christian romance novels.
  • She enjoyed keeping up with the Methodist ministers because she was a preacher's wife.
  • She loved sharing black walnut ice cream with anyone who would eat it with her.
  • She didn't like to throw things away-she still had a robe my Granddaddy gave her!

The list could go on and on. I have so many happy memories of her! So Happy Birthday Mam Maw! I know you are having the best birthday party ever!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

God's Timing is Perfect

I am so tired tonight. I told myself I would not look at or facebook, I would not look at house stuff, and I would not blog. Well, I have done all! I was loading the dishwasher just then and began thinking about my friends Katie and Molly who both have new baby boys, my friend Holly who is pregnant and doing it without me this time:), my friend Sarah who is pregnant, the girls at work who are pregnant and my other friends who are pregnant. The list really could get long. I then began thinking of my family members and friends who are unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, and my friends who are wanting to start a family, but have decided the timings not right. I thought about my journey and all I went through. I thought about the websites I visited, the google searches I made, and the blogs I read. I remember the tears, anger, the questions for God, and the feelings of worthlessness that I felt. You would think two years later and a beautiful little girl, I would be over it. Well, I don't think it is something you ever get over! Unless you have been there you don't understand. I guess that is why I felt pulled to write this. Who knows who may be searching and come across this blog, read it and feel somewhat normal for how they are feeling. I use the term "normal" loosely. I don't know if my emotions were normal, but it is how I felt.

So here is my story...

Grant and I had tried to get pregnant for about a year and a half. I called my GYN and he said to give it a couple more months because I had gotten back on BC for 3 months when I switched jobs. He was going by the date of getting off BC that time and it had "only" been about 10 1/2 months. He said to wait a year and then we would talk. I got pregnant that month. I waited the 3 weeks to go to the scheduled appt. I went to a new dr. because I was living in Benton and didn't want to drive to Hot Springs. He debated on doing a ultrasound and I begged for one. No heartbeat could be seen. He assured me I could be just too early, but recommended blood work. Two days later he called me to tell me my levels were very low and I could probably expect a miscarriage. I was devastated. It was Memorial Day weekend. It began to happen on Sat. and I had to wait until Tues to go to the dr. I am glad we knew to expect it, and didn't go to the hospital. It was confirmed on that Tues. I was devastated. My world had gone from absolute joy, to the lowest of lows. It was funny how Grant and I switched rolls. I would have an OK moment and be able to talk to someone, then I would crash and Grant would be the strong one. I was told to wait the 3 months, and then possibly look at medication. So here are some of the things I experienced during all this...many even before the miscarriage. If you have not gone through this, please don't judge me. I am a nice person. A hormonal sad person is not nice.

I did not want to go to baby showers.

I did not want to buy baby shower gifts. I was happy for others, don't get me wrong, it was just painful thinking I might not ever be in their place.

I didn't always have happy thoughts when I saw pregnant women.

I was jealous of pregnant women.

I was mad. Don't really know at who, but I was mad.

I questioned God. I didn't loose faith. I just didn't understand.

I felt like I was failing Grant.

I thought I was failing Grant's family and mine.

I was embarrassed and didn't want others to know.

I wanted to talk about it with everyone.

I didn't want to get preached to.

I wanted God to answer my prayers.

I cried at church, home, in my car, in bed, when I was taking a shower, etc.

I was fine for several days, then would crash again.

So do not feel guilty about how you are feeling. It is OK, and normal.

So 3 months later I went to a different dr. He had just started at this clinic. I loved him! He respected my online "infertility degree" and listened to me. He actually agreed with me, too!

Perfect timing!

He prescribed Clomid for me to take.

I prayed over that first pill. God's will be done!

Perfect timing!

I got pregnant that first month!

Perfect timing!

Addison was born on July 13!

Perfect timing!

If you know anything about becoming pregnant you know how difficult it really is for everything to work just right. It all has to be perfect timing!

I am not going to preach because if you are having trouble conceiving, you have heard it all. I just want to stress the fact that God's timing is perfect. It is never early, never late, just perfect! Think about it. Pray for His perfect timing! I am praying for that for you!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Green and Brown and Purple! Oh My!

The past few days have been a lot about colors. (I don't know why the underlining is here) Last night Addison and I went into Little Rock. Gigi, my sister-in-law, met us at Bed Bath & Beyond. We looked at shower curtains and bedspreads. I am so overwhelmed and under decided! We ate dinner at the Purple Cow and we all enjoyed the purple milkshake!

At first she wasn't to excited about sharing and would say "Put it down, Mommy!" when I would take a drink. Then when we put 2 straws in there, she wanted me to drink every time she I did!
When she first tasted it she wouldn't stop drinking. We were afraid she would get a brain freeze. Yesterday morning, Addison and I went to Sherwin Williams and bought several paint samples. So today we packed our picnic basket and took lunch to the house. Grant was already out there. After we ate, Addison and I began putting sample colors in different rooms. This is brown in our Master. It may be too dark...
This green is in the kitchen. Addison said she made a caterpillar! May do this in the bathroom instead... We are using a neutral gold tone in most of the house, a red in the dining room, lime green in Addison's bathroom, and turquoise in Addison's room.
This is the completed mantel and my little painter wanting to paint some more. I think I am happy with the mantel. We were a little disappointed with how some of our trim turned out. It was our fault because we didn't communicate what we wanted very well. We then felt awkward about saying something to the man. The guys that we should've used came by today and are going to redo some of it. Now I see how budgets are blown! They are also going to do do the hearth like I wanted (using a different material) but was told it couldn't be done, our painting, and probably the tile. I really want a tile shower...we will see!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Addison's room

This is the canopy that will go in Addison's room. I think I am going to put it in the corner with a chair under it and make it more of a reading space. She loves her books!

This is the bedding for Addison's new room! I love the bright colors. She likes it, too! The butterfly wings are satin. It has great textures! She will have a full sized bed when we move, but is still in her crib now.
Yet another thing motherhood has changed in me! I am not a theme person. I was adamant that I did not want a themed nursery. Now, I think they are precious in other people's nurseries, I was just weird about it. So Addison's nursery was done in chocolate and pink with a modern bedding. Now my precious angel loves butterflies and flowers and saying her colors so I had to relax a little and do something fun for her! I think she will enjoy this room for many years to come. Now, if I can just convince Grant that she needs a white bedroom suite...

What I miss...

Wow! Trim work done Thursday or Friday (like 2-3 days from now). Paint starts Monday! Grant's excited! I am FREAKING OUT! So much, that I think I worried Grant a little tonight. His exact comment was, "I did not see this coming! I thought we were on the downhill slide. A little paint, a little tile, floors, not much left." What?! Is he kidding? He is on the downhill slide, and me, well I am out of breath, my thighs are burning and I am still at the bottom of the hill!!! Now I really have to make decisions. I counted tonight a total of 6 paint colors plus the trim. Two maybe three are picked out name and all. The others-just shades. I did finally convince Addison that her room should be blue (turquoise actually, but that is a little advanced for a 2-year old:)). She saw the insulation in her room and ever since has said her room would be pink. I'll post a picture of it later. Pink would be OK, but I think the "blue" would be neat! I'm not quite there yet with the lights, or the floors, or the granite, or the marble or...

So what do I corner jacuzzi tub! Right now I would love to light some candles, fill up the tub, turn on the jets, and relax. Our little rent house tub shower combo just won't do!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

A Poo Poo Party!

When you are a mother, you are amazed at the things that become so important-such as bowel movements! Not a subject you are used to discussing! With a newborn, you have to count the number to ensure adequate nutrition. As an infant and toddler you make sure they are regular and the child is not constipated. Once you experience rota virus, you check to make sure it looks "normal"-whatever that means. And then you potty train. In our case the pee peeing went pretty smoothly and the pooping did for about 2 weeks. Then anxiety set in. Well I will save the details, but lets just say we have experienced the slamming doors and getting quiet, the disappearing into the closet, the hiding in the ceiling fan boxes in Lowe's, and the nice "stick" in the floor! But yesterday...the poop went into the potty! Addison got a treat out of the poo poo sack that has been trying to persuade the poop into the potty for weeks and then we had a poo poo party! Grant was at the new house, so I made chicken salad, packed a picnic, and stopped and bought cookies, Cheetos, and a balloon. We took it to the house so daddy could celebrate with us! It was a great poo poo party picnic!

Please remember this blog is also serving as my online scrapbook since I don't have time for scrapbooking anymore! I had to post this exciting event in our lives!

Today as I was thinking about yesterday's events I was just amazed at what a big girl Addison is becoming! (And yes-she pooped in the potty again today!:))I love having conversations with her! Today was a perfect example...

We were driving in the car and she put something in her mouth...

Me "Don't put that in your mouth. It is dirty!"

Add "Yeah, its gross" (gross-when did she learn that word)

Add "Look mom! It's nastics!" (we passed the road that we turn down to go to gymnastics)

Me "I see!"

Add "I like nastics! I wear my leotard to nastics! It's fun!"

Time with her is priceless!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Things Addison's Daddy Does and Doesn't do...

An incident occurred this afternoon that persuaded me to blog about Addison and her Daddy! Here are some things Grant does and doesn't do when it comes to parenting and other things...and a few picts to go along with it!

Grant does read to Addison every night and gives her a snack. (Current fave is grapes)

He doesn't get up in the middle of the night when she wakes up screaming "I need to go pee pee." :)

Grant does kiss Addison's boo boos and makes them feel better.

He does not know where the first aid materials are in our house. :)

Grant does teach Addison to be patriotic and respect her country during the National Anthem. (I love this pict!)

Grant does not teach her the words to it. :)

Grant does snore

Grant does not think its as funny as I do when Addison "snores" like him and says, "daddy do that!"

Grant does love Addison very much!

He does not like to discipline her.:)

Grant does pick Addison up from school on the days I work and gets to spend time by himself with her.

Grant does not always watch her when playing with play-doh...

Grant does ask "what happened?" when Addison is screaming because..

Grant does not hold her down in order to dig play-doh out of her nose :)

Grant-I love you and you are a wonderful husband and father!